SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 182

Report by Alan Wykes Readers were asked to imagine themselves concerned with the formation of a society for the abolition of television. Letters designed to attract the maximum number of members and subscriptions were to be composed for the correspondence columns of The Times, Observer, Radio Times or Daily Express.

A fair entry, both as regards numbers and merit ; but only fair. Not many competitors seemed to have their hearts in the cause they were sponsoring ; fewer still keyed themselves to the tone of the paper they were writing to. Speciousness of argument resulted in ode big batch of discards. Of these, I particularly regretted having to part with M. E. Fossey's entry. Another dozen or so had to be cast away for ineptness of choice of audience. Dougal Duncan's letter (" . . . how many of us realise that Goths and Huns, decadence and ruin, rest, but rest only temporarily, behind every one of our ten- to seventeen-inch screens ? The shadow of Attila looms dark behind the figure of Harding ") was excellent but surely too high-toned for the cosy columns of the Radio Times.

I thought some competitors tried mistakenly to support their arguments with Awful Warnings. Jeremiahs and cranks are seldom treated with anything but tolerant amusement, The object of the letter was, after all, to gain support.

Both the Daily Express and Radio Times were lions' dens. The touch of human interest was nicely judged by J. Aitken C' One day last week, excited and gloriously happy, I went over to my grand- parents' house to announce my engagement to the best and prettiest girl in the world. . . . Gran had a faraway look in her eyes, and only half understood what I was saying. Very nice, dear,' she said. ' You must bring her along to see TV.' ") but he wrote too obviously tongue-in-cheek. A selection of felicitous phrases from the finalists :

Daily Express. " How many of us realise that the familiar H aerial .. . is a sign of shame .. . a monument to the Unknown Tele- vision Prisoner ? " (E. P. Stanham) ; " The People's Voice must be heard. And the Dim View Society, pledged to the abolition of Television, is the People's Voice " (D. R. Peddy).

The Times. " As one with neither the time, means, nor inclination to spare for television ... ." (D. L. L. Clarke). Observer. " No responsible politician is prepared to tell the truth about our economic plight and a debtor nation mass-produces luxury goods " (D. R. Rollo).

£2 each to L. Marshall Scott and Allan M. Laing ; El to Gerald Summers. Highly commended : " H. R. J. Thunderclap-Chutney " and Nancy Gunter, whose entry I have printed foci causa.

PRIZES (L. MARSHALL SCOTT)

To the Editor, Daily Express.

Formation of a Society for the Abolition of Television

Dear Sir,—There are thousands of wives and mothers in this country who would be glad if Television had never been invented. 1 would suggest that half a crown subscription would be willingly paid by each of them, if by so doing they could voice a protest against this menace. The hours that I have wasted watching for something good to be televised, popping in and out of my kitchen to see what was going on, burning potatoes and puddings when it was interesting, waiting for games to finish so that my husband would do the garden, waking up at night with the children screaming (they insist on watching thrillers) and making myself ill with the warnings of the doctors, is all very trying. You can turn on the wireless and leave that all day, and never heed it. Rut this eternal watching gets a woman down. If you do not believe me just publish this letter and see the result.—Yours respectfully, Weary Viewer.

(ALLAN M. LAING) To the Editor, The Observer.

Sabot-Age ?

Sir,—No doubt the majority of your readers support your opposition to commercial television. Encouraged by this belief, we invite you and them to take the next step and join us in opposing television altogether. A Society for the Abolition of Television (SABOT) has now been formed, whose main object is explicit in the title. Its members have watched, with growing dismay, the various evils TV has brought in its train— the snobbery of " keeping up with the Joneses " ; the virtual paralysis of family intercourse ; the encouragement of idleness ; the atrophy of the brain through the reduction of culture to the status of a comic strip ; and the destitution of honest entertainers who lack physical attractions. SABOT proposes the elimination, through legal enactment, of TV sets and TV stations, programmes to be cut down progressively until they cease altogether. A Bill to embody these proposals is in preparation, and will have the support of all parties, including the Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition. Your support is invited. Send subscriptions to the undersigned.—Faithfully, Halliday Hope-Allways, M.P.

(GERALD SUMMERS)

To the Editor, Daily Express.

Dear Sir,—You're good with your hands ? You like making things? Then do not buy a television set because if you do you've got to down tools. In any case a cricket match can't be squeezed onto a 14 in. x 10 in. screen. True, you can get a close-up of a (lovely ?) girl talking'to you, but perhaps you would rather not see her. The play 's the thing, but you can visualise Hamlet without those vague microscopic figures gesticulat- ing. Cringing creatures from the Zoo are often presented to you but far better see them happy in their local habitat. You can follow the horses on the screen but who wants to see his favourite lose ? No, television's a washout and you know it. So don't put up one of those spiky things on your chimney and spoil the landscape and your own eyesight. Stick to the radio if you must hear the one o'clock news and don't be bamboozled into buying one of those new-fangled flickering devices which give you nebulous and streaky nonsense at a high price. Join the Anti-TV Society and send us your subscription instead of taking out a licence for something you don't want. Yours, etc., --.

Highly Commended

(NANCY GUNTER)

To the Editor, The Times.

Sir,—I and several kindred spirits consider it contrary to the finest traditions of British reticence and reserve that the appalling modern invention known as television should be allowed to invade our haunts and display our midnight manifestations to the gaping public. It was bad enough when " listeners-in " were enabled to hear our moans and clanking chains, but now that it has become possible for anybody with a television set to be regaled with the spectacle of a lady roaming the corridors minus her head, or even in her night attire carrying a dripping dagger, we cannot but feel that matters have been carried a glide too far. We have therefore decided to form a Society for the Abolition of Tele- vision, and sincerely hope all who arc interested will get into communica- tion with me at the appended address. Thanking you for permitting us to use the medium of your valuable publication. Yours, etc., Col. Lovelace (dec.), Mon Revenant, Limbo-in-Space.