YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
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Dear Mary.
Q. On my 40th birthday a number of misguided but well-intentioned friends arranged a surprise birthday party for me. Such was my confusion that I managed to get all the presents which they brought in a dreadful muddle, and as a result I can- not remember who gave me what, with the exception of a pair of boxer shorts from my facetious sister-in-law. I do not think that at my great age it is permissible to write the sort of generic 'Thank you for the lovely present' letter which might be acceptable from one of my children. Should I ring my friends to find out what they gave me? How can I remedy the situation?
R.O., Kent A. Ring round your friends' answering machines when you know they will be out, and leave messages; first, thanking them for attending the party, then adding that a member of your staff is anxious that she may have inadvertently thrown out some of your birthday presents along with the wrap- ping-paper. Would they therefore be kind enough to ring your machine or secretary, stating exactly what they gave you so that you can do a proper reckoning? Later, when you write your letters, you can say, `Fortunately, it turned out that none of the presents had been thrown out after all and it was just a muddle.'
Q. Earlier this year you published a read- er's tip for avoiding bores at drinks parties. This is to carry two drinks about with you so as to give the impression you are on your way to deliver one of them and cannot therefore be waylaid. I have found this tip invaluable and I thank you for it. I am afraid, however, that it is only really suit- able for use at very big parties in public places, and would be of little use at a party which I am shortly to attend in the small house of an old friend in Kensington. Every year the same cast assembles, and every year I am buttonholed by a certain bore. My dread of this particular man is almost turning into a psychosis. How do you sug- gest I move away from him quickly without causing offence, if and when I can bring myself to go to the party in the first place? Name and address withheld A. Ask a friend to address a blank envelope with your name and the words 'Private' and `By hand' written on it. Bring this to the party in your pocket. Allow the bore to chat to you for three or four sentences, then withdraw the envelope from your pocket and say, 'I'm sorry, I'm feeling a bit distracted. This has just been handed to me. Would you mind if I slipped away and read it?'
Q. May I pass on to you a rather witty remark I overheard at a party in Chelsea the other night? The host, an energetic Russian in his early seventies, was being complimented on his youthful appearance. `Shura!' gushed one of the guests, 'you look so wonderful! You look exactly the same as you did twenty-five years ago, when I first met you.' Shura drew himself up to his full height, stared the woman in the eye and replied, 'Don't insult my past.'
A. You are kind to have passed on this witty riposte, which readers might well like to adapt for their own use in dealing with
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