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SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 396 Report by W. May Byron

Coln •

• petliors will remember the 'old man of Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket; But his

bluer named Nan, Ran away with a hum, And as for the bucket, Nantucket.' Competitors were asked to submit two original limericks, each incorporating one place name, on similar lines.

.As—for May Byron—Valetta.' Thus con- One limerick, and swallowed up I cer- ,?ItY felt after the first reading of the entries. ,,g-ohl all quarters of the globe they came, as well i',,,frorn Asian flu sickbeds at home. Wild scansion, gu rhymes and careless reading of the corn- Ztlition terms as set eliminated about fifty at the t• sifting, leaving a mere 300 or so to be dealt Trying to keep my judicial head among iliese swarms of lovers who decided to Havana, ,,"iengraphers who have Dundee, budding but dunsuceessful Mrs. Beetons of Nuneaton, juvenile n‘elinqUentS urged to hit Granada or to Bagdad—, '°se, that is, not already out to Kilkenny- IllIptor's wives of Doncaster, naked Ellens of s w Delhi, and anticipated goings on after Mar- ce'lles, I finally suggest two guineas for each °uPle printed, and refrain from further coin- pent in order to leave as much space as possible tic:r the singles. It is obvious that unfortunately ere will not be room for all those that deserve Printing.

PRIZEWINNERS (G. H. BAXTER)

Said a motorist nearing Rhodesia, '1 intended to go to Silesia, But to drive through a curtain Makes steering uncertain, So I find the Rhodesia Rhodesia.'

A goose who had flown from Uganda Had a spouse who could not understand her; But in fluent Swahili She gobbled 'It reelly Makes sense in Uganda, Uganda!'

(r. W. KENNEDY) A bashful young man at Pearl Harbour Proposed to a girl in an arbour. He whispered to Pearl (As they called the said girl) 'What feeling t'wards me does Pearl Harbour?'

A certain young man from Manilla, Allergic, it seems, to vanilla, Ate a 3d. ice And collapsed in a trice And you never did see a Manilla.

(R. S. STANIER)

A peasant of Hyderabad Lost the only good cow that he had. All search having failed, 'Those who find her,' he wailed, 'Are good; those who Hyderabad.' A sarcastic old man of Helsinki Said his children were dirty and stinky; And when they all cried, 'We're snow-white !' he replied.

'If you're white, then what the Helsinki?'

(RUSSELT. EDWARDS)

A foreman, who lived in Isoka, Had a wife most adept with the poker; But he said, 'I've few woes, For I keep a small hose, And when she grabs the poker, Isoka.'

(R. WINDHAM)

At Christmas, in Azerbaijan, A maid was pursued by a man. Said her friends, 'She'll hold out Through December, no doubt, But I bet you he Azerbaijan.'

(GENERAL SIR WALTER VENNING)

Said a negro, who lived in Arkansas, As he tiled off his teeth with a handsas, 'Ah jes do it to show And let all the folks know How swell wid my handsas Arkansas.'

(GLORIA PRINCE) His C.O. in the Port of Halfaya To a sniper said, 'Hal, I require You to aim with your lead At the poke of a head; And if it pokes higher, Halfaya.'

(D. R. PEDDY)

To a lady of Haverfordwest A cop said 'You are under arrest,' For a long one-way street, Running east, was his beat, And she wanted to Haverfordwest.

(EDWARD SAMSON)

Said Campbell, when entering Lucknow, 'Our troops are all out of the muck now. Fortunatus nunc sum; Which, you ignorant scum, Is Latin for we are in Lucknow.' COMMENDED (ARcAs) An impudent fellow from Wroxeter Once kissed a young girl from Uttoxeier When she said 'Not again!'

The disconsolate swain Took her down to the beach and threw Wroxcter I (c. j. warms) There was a young lad of Bahrein Whom the climate was driving insane; He cried to his pop 'Will this heat never stop?' Said the old man 'No, never—Bahrein ((AIM There was a young man of Siberia Who sighed for a lady—superior.

He pined, but at length

He took something—for strength—

But also it made his Siberia.

(einwon) A pretty young girl of Missouri Was adjudged Beauty Queen by a jury Having been so acclaimed She was suitably named By the folk of Missouri 'Missouri.'

(J. E. CHERRY)

A young man from far Adelaide, Consorted with hens, I'm afraid, He would cluck, scratch and roost, But he never produced, And he could have been rich Adelaide.

(ROSINA M. WILLIAMSON)

There was a young man from Omagh, Who hadn't a lawful Papa, And when he had heard That his Mother had erred.

He said a lot more than Omagh!

(CICELY WILLIAMS)

There was an old man of Geneva Who studied the works of the beaver; His wife helped him much, And her knowledge was such That he said, 'Give me all the Geneva.