Dai llarff-ynn
AFTERTHOUGHT JOHN WELLS
Tafygytts! (Spontaneous cheering and applause from soberly-dressed, middle-aged majority of the audience in conspicuously short haircuts and highly polished boots. Small but flamboyant minority smile with affected good will, clumsily concealing various banners and devices.) Llanberis trawsfynydd blaenau ffestiniog, beddgelert moel hebog 2,566 ft. pwllheli, cemaes amlwch lynas pentraeth, llangoed Beau- marls! Llanallgo pen-y-gooes, Ilanfair- fechan Holyhead! Bryngwran Ilanerchy- medd gwalchmal menai, menai straits, tre- arddur aberffraw South Stack Lighthouse!
(A croak of `E's right, you know' from elderly Welshman in floor-length overcoat and ruinous tweed cap with five days growth of black and white stubble. Sober- suited majority clear their throats discreetly and look at him with suspicion.) Medad, Dyke af Edynbwrgh bach, yws- tellin ymwst ymywsyn stwri lookwyu, abwt thys Rabbi an thys actrrys, syee. Ap-arnttli, afy rhemmemmbha utrrytt, thys Rabbi wys verr-y-frrenddlhi wyth dda Byshap an dda lwcal Rwmyn Carthlyc ppryst, syee.
Ennyrwd-ap y knw aman cwld Dai cwm ynto yt summwyre, cws e wyr wyrkin ap dda Swansea Zoo, syee, an asytwyre ys ppertyclar taasc tasyee ta dda Kangaroo, e wyr cwld fyr sum rreesyn Dai Kangaroo.
Y blyv yt wyr like ddat ennyrwd-ap. Wel ap-arntli thys Rabbi an thys Byshap an thys Rwmyn Carthlyc ppryst, syee, wyr cwmn oam druncc on dda Rabbis byk wunnyte, an tliye syees thys actrrys dwyn dda Can-Can ap Swansea High Street, syee. 'Blwdyie el,' ses dda Rabbi, fwllyn af-ys byk, 'Y hyrd av Dai Kangaroo byt thys ys rrydicclus.' (A gale of demented laughter from the soberly- suited men. The elderly Welshman looks slowly round him with an expression of cross-eyed confusion. He blinks and looks back at the stage.)
Sowry, y mustav scrwdap dda pwnchlyn, v ee Swmach far Teach Yourself Welsh in
Three Weeks With Clive Jenkins And The South Wales Amalgamated Light Orchestra. 'Elderly Welshman claps hand over his eyes, makes hysterical gestures and shouts 'I can't understand a word of it'. Soberly- dressed majority drown these remarks with livage chanting of 'Artichog, Artichog, Artichog' while public address system ex- plains to visiting journalists that this means 'Huzzah, huzzah, what a brilliant satirical reference to criticism of plans to enlarge the Birmingham Corporation Reservoir.' The veaker smiles blandly above the chaos,
Posing for a number of newspaper photo- graphers in front of the leek-draped stage.
Student militants unroll banners and devices,
Which include among their slogans 'Hey hey l ID% Tee Hee LSE', 'Piss Off' and 'Minne- sota University Says Free Wales Now'. (Individual members of the sober-suited majority move threateningly towards the back of the hall, and peace is temporarily restored) As ywus syein, y sym tuav scrwdap dda Pwnchlyn egen. (Elderly Welshman cries 'Hoy. It's bad enough living in Wales. my son, without having a lot of condeccending drivel poured over our heads in broken
Urdu.. Sober-suited majority converge on elderly Welshman for informal talks, and
after a brief discussion, pick him up hori-
zontally, strike his head heavily against the wall, and throw him through the double doors. A correspondent of the Sunday Telegraph commends the nearest sober- suited enthusiast for his spontaneous patriotic fervour, is picked up horizontally, and thrown after him. The doors are closed and the meeting resumes.) Wel, avin brwkn ddi ys wyth ddat amew- sin jwc, y wwd jwst lyk tu ecsplaen wy ym hyr. Memum andad not avin dda Welsh, syee, ave depyuted mi ta cwm dwnhyr an myec yew fyl a byt bettyr abwt bein Welsh, Thynkather tyurysts! Thynkather forryn ynvestmynt! Thynkather prydav avin yrwn prins oucan duyua Welsh ac-sent jyslyk Harry Seccombe. (Press interrupter asks 'Your Royal Highness, as the Welsh elements now appear to have been removed, can we safely assume that your speech will follow in substance at least the text released to the press last night, and that apart from the agreed coverage of Welsh militancy as shown in the cot photographic material appended, nothing further of interest is likely to occur?') (General confusion. Speaker withdraws, chairman appeals for a more sympathetic approach to what must inevitably be a sensitive process of suggestive pageantry and political magic, militant international students charge the soberly-dressed major- ity who club them to the floor and form up in a posed group to sing 'Land of Our Fathers' before taking a silver collection for the Policemen's Ball. To a rumbling back- ground of explosion, artillery fire and whistling bombs we hear the 'Music for the Royal Fireworks,' and as we bid fare- well to the mountains and valleys of the gay pleasure-loving principality, racked now with its first national advertising cam- paign for thirty years, we heave a sigh of profound relief.)
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