On the thoughts of Master Hart

OXFORD LETTER

MERCURIUS OXONIENSIS

GOOD BROTHER LONDINIENSIS,

I have not troubled you with my papers these last weeks, lest I should seem to insult your broils by boasting of our peace; for indeed, since our fanatiques were laughed off the stage in November last, and our Road-hogs routed by the heroicall resistance of the Christ-church men, this place has enjoyed such tranquillity as befits the temple of Apollo and the Muses. Even Balliol coll, is now clean, at least on the outside, which is all that honest men look on; and save in Brazen-nose Lane (a dark pissing-alley betwixt that coll. and Exeter coll.), I find no wall-scribblings left in the whole university. But how long this virtue will last, a wise man will not prognosticate. For now has come forth the long bruited Report of our Verulamius (for he is both jurist and philosopher), Master Hart, late Professor of Law, an ingeniose and learned man. He was set awork a year since, with a few others of less note, to discover, by interrogatories and otherwise, whether the young men had any just grievance, either in doctrine or in discipline, and to pro- pound remedies; and now concludes, very justly, that they have none, but 'tis all mere smoak. For none of them has been sent away, save by temporary rustication, nor fined more than the charge of a few tankards of ale at the ordinary, and that on good grounds: to such laxity are we come. Howsoever, Master Hart has not

stopped here, but, to show his philosopl-y, has covered 200 pages, in octavo, with judicious reflexions, excellently writ; which,

though misliked by some as too yielding, have damped the more factious spirits and much relieved such of us poor college tortoises as are in no great hurry for change.

Briefly, Master Hart explodes all the arguments of the enemy by denying any necessary correspondency betwixt the model of a commonwealth and the model of an university within that commonwealth; „so

that even if (quod Deus avortat) we should sink to a parity in the former, we must

still maintain a hierarchy in the latter. This, as you can conceive, has marvellously enraged the fanatiques, whose whole adry fabrick is raised on a clean contrary bottom. But none now cares what they say; and since they refused to testify to the Committee (as being but a device to caulk the rotten hulk of the university, which they reckoned, with their squeaking nibs, to pierce and sink), 'tis now too late for them to start twittering, for we are all weary of them.

These therefore being left aside (or rather, thrust contemptuously into an Appendix), 'tis to the busy-bodies among the other students that Master Hart addresses himself, offering 'em a release from discipline and a voice in doctrine If they will but send deputies to sit on such boards and committees as he will frame for them; which will no doubt be infinitely taedious to all of us, and 30 clog the machine, that all our business will gradually be conglutinated and come to a stop, and so, in the end, provide the in-let to some new tyranny.

Nevertheless, even here, the young men are not to have all their desires. For whereas they have flown high, and would perch and chatter on the topmost tribunals, in order (as they say) to learn the art of government, which they declare to be an empiric-all, not a theoreticall art, and part of their necessary instruction as citizens of the Commonwealth, our Master Hart bath snibbed them sharply, reminding them that they come not hither to study our cabals and juntos but to learn piety, letters and good manners, which too many of them want. So, although he will allow 'em to run free, he will clip their wings, and their talons too; and while they may have a part in making of laws for themselves (thus depriv- ing the Proctors of a part of their jurisdic- tion), there is to be a stiff statute forbidding 'em to daub walls or occupy publick build- ings or interrupt professors; which for the past 800 years, when the young were civilly bred up, had never been thought necessary.

These propositions of Master Hart have caused much bumbling in our college hives, but indistinct, as of wasps or drones. The fanatiques buzz high and shrill, as knowing not what to do next. The other students hum busily and affect a grave air, as being already senatours in embryo, although there are, thank God, a few gay sparks still, to make merry at them. Our high tables like- wise (which are now crowded with giggling girls in lewd skirts) are divided betwixt young ninnies, crying for novelties, and old jellies, quaking and yielding to them; all which is very taedious to us loyall subjects who, having disputed on Aristotle all day, come thither at night rather for port-wine and rational conversation than for further contention about Master Hart and his Report.

However, all is not yet over. Our two antient universities, as my Lord Robbins has tartly observed, are ill-framed gothick bodies which long freedom hath made sawcy: they are not well-regulated, dis- ciplined models like your new School of Oeconomicks which jumps so instantly to obey his Lordship's commands. Master Hart may propound, but 'tis for Hebdoma- dal Council and the Colleges and Congre- gation to dissect and debate his proposi- tions; and before we have heard all the witty, inveigling speeches of Master Pro- fessor Beloff, Master Cooper of Trinity Coll., Master Warden Sparrow, and other our academicall oratours, who knows but

the fashion among the young (being mar- vellous flighty) will have changed? Our good friend Mercurius Canta:)rigiensis tells me that already there the loyal young sparks are reviving and may soon light a fire that will burn up all this mundungus (and toast the bottoms of some seniors too); and I am in hopes that, ere long, our own poor Gadarene pigs may swerve back to their allegiance, though at the brink, leav- ing only their besotted young swineherds, who must needs show off their wit and their long legs by trotting out in front of them, to tumble into the sea and be choak'd; whose fate shall not be much lamented by

your loving brother to serve you MERCURIUS OXONIENSIS.

P.S. Since I writ this letter, Master Hart's Report has been anatomiz'd. very queru- lously. in our domestick gazette, the Oxford Magazine. The author (as I am advertised) is a pragmatical, undergraduate of Oriel coll., who has come hither from some seminary of disaffection in the American plantations; as is clear from his style, being illiterate. 'Tis pity his coll, here could not furnish him with better tutors.