YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. May I pass on a money-saving tip to mothers of small children? As every mother knows, there is no point going to a great deal of trouble with birthday tea parties, since the children eat only the cocktail sausages, the drinks are knocked over and the rest of the tea, including the iced birth- day cake, usually gets scraped into the bin. A birthday cake is, of course, de rigueur, but the cheapest one available from my Waitrose patisserie counter is £8.75 and offers only six to eight portions. What do I do, Mary? I buy two Sarah Lee frozen chocolate 'gateaux' at £1.79 each. Leaving the cardboard base in situ, I jam one on top of the other so they are like two layers of a box of chocolates, and stud the entire exte- rior with Smarties. Result: in childish eyes, a visual and gustatory triumph. The party guests — who don't usually like icing any- way — eat every mouthful.
D.G., London SW12 A. What a useful tip for the budget-con- scious. Thank you so much. No doubt this toxic treat would go down equally well at an adult dinner party.
Q. I have been lying about my age for many years — and getting away with it. I am now going on the Xs' yacht around the Caribbean for New Year, and I am told that at the outset their purser collects all
Dear Mary. .
our passports to facilitate landing at the various ports. I happen to know that a fel- low guest, a rival of mine, is quite capable of insinuating herself into the purser's good books, including the passport giving the fatal information about my real age. How can I prevent this from happening?
Name and address withheld A. I quite understand your dilemma. In the privacy of your cabin, take the purser into your confidence. Explain that, for various reasons to do with an inheritance, it is absolutely vital that no one else on board learns the exact date of your birth. Can he give you the undertaking that no one other than portside officials will have access to the document, and that it will be in his safe custody at all other times? Say, 'It's nothing criminal, but should my date of birth get out it could lead to all sorts of complicated family problems.' No doubt he will assume that your problem is to do with once-stig- matised birth outside wedlock and will respect your confidence.
Q. I am 55 years old and have not worn a vest since I left prep school. Now that win- ter is really starting to bite, I am wondering, Mary, does a gentleman ever wear a vest? J.G., Carlisle, Cumbria A. While it is quite acceptable for men over the age of 65 to wear a vest, men under this age must wear sleeveless V-necks between their shirt and coat. The only exception to this rule is provided by Rupert Lycett Green who wears a silk vest and a V-neck during cold spells.
Q. I regularly commute into London from Somerset. While I might enjoy chatting to the person beside or opposite me at the start of a journey, I then want to turn to my book. How can I do this without being rude? A.G., Taunton, Somerset A. Pretend to have received a text message on your mobile and be sending one back. The momentum of the conversation will die down as you concentrate on this matter, and you will be able to pick up your book again without giving offence.
Mary Killen
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