Gentleman re-blocked
Bertie Wooster, were he around, would have been airily gallivanting through St James's Park : the sun was shining, the air was mild, the crocuses were out; and what better time than this, to drop into Lock's and buy himself a couple of new spring hats and order a hunting silk? An acquaintance of mine did this, on such a day last week, before going down to hunt with the Heythrop. He wanted to order a hunting silk for a distinguished American Olympic equestrian who was also to hunt with the Heythrop and who wanted to be properly dressed for the occasion.
'Are these hats safe?' my acquaintance, trying on a hunting silk for size, asked the Lock salesman.
'Oh perfectly, sir.°
'If he fell off, would it be all right?'
'Oh certainly, sir. We can always re-block them.'
'Yes, but what about re-blocking the gentleman?'
'One cannot re-block a gentleman, sir.'
After this exchange, my acquaintance spotted a particularly garish blue and red check 'sort of Bohemian hat, sir. We call it the Garrick hat, sir.° With a kind of Jeevesian wince, he added. 'We sell a lot of them in Italy, sir.'
Thus fortified, my acquaintance, who was off that afternoon to the Bahamas, promptly bought the hat, having first made absolutely sure that his initials and more important the Lock label were prominently displayed inside the hat. Shrewd fellow, he, he knew that the first reaction of people like me, when confronted with him wearing the hat, would be, 'Where the hell did you get that hat?'
I, gullible as ever, had indeed asked him that question when I saw him; and he was ready. Sweeping his hat off his head, he said, 'Ha ha. I expected that', and showed me the Lock label of gentlemanly approval.
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