Homes for Crocodiles

SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 196 Report by V. P. Stratford A big-game hunter in Bulawayo is reported as offering a half-a-dozen baby crocodiles to anyone who will give them a " good home." Competitors were invited to write a letter explaining their passionate need for a baby crocodile and giving some details of the good home (and its amenities) which they could offer.

ENTRANTS enjoyed themselves here ; a very large entry covered almost every reason for urgently wanting a baby crocodile, and nobody offered a completely impossible explanation of his passionate need for one of the infant reptiles. The orphans were wanted—amongst other reasons—for dental study, to create a boarding-school sensation, to replace lost relatives, to give the newest sort of cachet in suburban life, and in several cases to hasten the departure of ancient rela- tives, unasked guests, etc.

But too many of the letters stated the claim in pedestrian and not very imaginative terms and the winners had to be chosen from the short list of those exercising special ingenuity, fancifulness or sheer blatant in- vention. Three entries top all others by their directness of appeal I suggest El 13s. 4d. each to Nancy Gunter, Guy Hadley, and Granville Garley.

PRIZES

(NANCY GUNTER)

Dotheboys Hall, Yorks.

Dear Sir : Having seen your advt I.shuld like to offer a good home to your six baby crocks, being in urjent need of such to advanse the studdies of my pupils in naterel histery and troppikul insecks. I am well up in the care of young reptiles and varmints and no truble would be spared to keep the pretty deers in good helth. On reseving your favourible reply the boys shall start digging a pond for their resheption and they will rise at daybrake daily to rcgail them with delishus scraps from their own ampul meels thus cumbining unselfishness with the akwisition of nolledge. When growd- up the creetures will doubtless be of grate assistanse in deeling with boys whose futurs present a bit of a problim so if you would foward same carriage paid as soon as maybe they will have a warm welcom from, yours truly, Wackford Squeers.

(GUY HADLEY)

Dear Jumbo, Just heard about your offer of infant crjaco- dill° to anybody providing cushy billet. Colonel told me to write pronto as we must have one. Regimental mascot. Tar more original, he says, than nanny goats; Great Danes, Shetland Ponies. Lives a dam sight longer. Just the job for modern warfare: Smack in the eye for Grenadiers, Coldstream, etc.

Conditions for little nipper absolutely splendid. No comparison with Married Quarters. Quartermaster has War Office authority for special rations. Fatigue party already digging water-hole and playground. Adjutant preparing orders on "Crocodile Equipment and Saluting Drill (Ceremonial Parades)." Severe disciplinary action guaran- teed against officers or other ranks using little pet for target practice. Expedite.

Dicky.

(GRANVILLE CARLEY)

Dear Mr. Hunter,

My husband, Job, has begun bringing a pink elephant home with him each night. I have not seen the creature myself, and, though I have nothing against elephants as such, I resent the way it monopolises all Job's attention after 10 p.m. A crocodile makes an excellent com- panion for an elephant, I believe—so please, please, give me one and earn the gratitude of a distracted female. Job would have time for our peaceful evening talks again, and connubial bliss would be restored. The crocodile could spend the day in the cistern of the smallest room in the house, and I would take it for walks regularly with my mother-in-law. The exercise should 'do them both good.

Yours, etc., Margaret Caudle (Mrs.)

P.S.—You have been recommended by Mrs. Harvey, a neighbouring rabbit of ours. Her husband once caused trouble by persistently bringing home a pink man.